#DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A JOKE. IT IS SIMPLY INTENDED AS A HUMOROUS WAY OF HIGHLIGHTING ENTERTAINING OR INTERESTING COINCIDENCE(S)#
In a couple of hours
John Bercow takes his seat for his first Prime Minister's Questions. He was not my first or indeed second or third choice for speaker. I think Sir George Young would have had more dignity and commanded wider respect in the house (rather than
grinning like a schoolboy), Ann Widdecombe would be much more capable of reform (can a man who twice flipped his home and claims he did nothing wrong be a rallying point for reform?) and
as this excellent clip shows Sir Alan Haselhurst would have been a much better and more experienced Speaker who could have cut back on the amount of theatrical nonsense that Michael Martin only managed to croak "order" at.
However he is, for better or worse, the new Speaker and should be given a chance to prove himself. My concern today is how this all came about. Don't worry readers, I have a theory (of the conspiracy variety)
As I suggested
in this post David Cameron leaked the expenses to the Telegraph. However I now see how wrong I was. It was Cameron and Bercow!
Bercow has for some time been a "defection risk" from the Conservatives to Labour. He has also "
had his eye on the Speaker's chair for years". He therefore hatched a plan.
Knowing that Cameron was considering leaking the expenses he offered his services to assist the leak. He also kindly agreed that he would not defect. Cameron, at this point was enjoying sitting back and watching the Labour Party support freefalling. He did not want anything to give them a surge or rallying point. A Tory MP crossing the floor could have been disastrous.
However Bercow wanted something in exchange. He wanted to be Speaker. This immediately gave the pair a time frame. Bercow would never get the job at the next election so they needed to oust Martin before then. The expenses leak killed two birds with one stone in this respect and Cameron used his party power to ensure Martin was shown the door.
However, while this did leave the chair empty it by no means meant John could sit right down. Indeed the expenses was a double edged blade as it caught Bercow out (as mentioned above). He therefore needed more support. He began a string of speeches about the need for reform thereby beginning to erase his past misdemeanours. The innocents in the house liked this while those who had been caught out saw that he still had the crimes on his record and so could not allow the punishment to be too harsh or he would bring himself down.
It was still not enough though. So once again he turned to Dave for help. His "political journey" from the right to the left of the party meant he already had friends in the Labour party. It was therefore very believable when the Tories began showing dislike for the idea of him being speaker. Cameron began to spread more rumours about his unsuitability among the party. This was made very public so the Labour MPs were aware of it.
Labour, knowing a third consecutive speaker from their party would be unacceptable, turned to what they believed was the next best thing. Seeing the Conservatives bad mouthing him they immediately began to support him.
Meanwhile Cameron supported and suggested that six other Tories ran for the job therby splitting the Conservative vote. Just to ensure Bercow got the job he made sure the most succesful Tory (except Bercow) was an old Etonian who Labour would never vote for.
So there you have it. Bercow and Cameron. Political masterminds ensuring they each get the job they wanted through a web of complex and almsost unbelievable pieces of political and public manouvering. When Cameron wins the next election their victory will be complete.
If you still have doubts then watch
this clip from Newsnight. The middleman who eventually approached the Telegraph is so protective of his sources that they must be very high profile. It becomes even clearer when he refuses to even say where they work.
Thankyou for reading
Tory (slightly insane) Outcast